It's time for me to use the blog function on this website to write an actual personal blog entry. I know, it's crazy. I normally use this to shill my own music on the front page.

And rest assured, I will bury this with another front page music-related post soon enough. So if you're reading this because you saw it show up at the top of my profile; consider yourself lucky. Unless you're one of those weirdos that actually scrolls through people's past blog posts. Buckle up for some good old fashioned oversharing.

I don't know if I've written about this before, and if I haven't, then I'll say this now: On June 15th 2022, I graduated high school. And the postgrad life has proven to be a real bitch.

Now luckily, there's no pressure being put on me by anyone right now. Both of my parents seem content with me just taking my time and figuring out what I want to do, though pretty much everyone seems to believe that college/university is what's best for me.

I couldn't disagree more. Not only am I not interested in any subject or course that's available to me at the local unis, but on top of that, I don't think I have the capacity to take another 4 years of schooling in a whole new environment. It would drive me nuts.

A while back, when graduation was merely an abstract concept of the distant future in my mind, I figured it would be as simple as me suddenly getting some sort of epiphany, figuring out what I want to do, getting the job I want and living happily ever after. As I've come to learn, that's far from the case.

My main problem is that I don't know what I want to do. I have some passions and favored pastimes and interests, but none of them are marketable in any realistic way at all. So it's turned into this conundrum in my head where I have to go out and get a job or start some kind of college course, but none of the options seem appealing in any way at all. There's a ridiculous amount of options and yet, none of them speak to me whatsoever.

The advice that I always get from people who are a little older than me is to just "try anything", without even looking at what I'm signing up for. Just doing any dumb job I can get for a while and seeing what happens. This may work for most other people, but I just can't do it, because it's just not me. I have to know what it is I'm in for, cause that's how my mind works. As it turns out, school really doesn't set you up for the adult job-seeking life at all. It's a total mess and I have no clue where I'm going to be in a year from now.

The only thing I have going for me right now is my driver's license. I've started doing lessons and driving around in an actual car with an instructor sitting next to me. When I'm done and I've finally gotten my license, I will officially have nothing going on in my life at all, no reason to wake up in the morning. It's turned into this groundhog day scenario already where the days start to blend into eachother. Each day seems incredibly short and the vast majority of them have no meaningful happenings whatsoever. I'm just one guy sitting at a computer for most of the day, and occasionally talking to strangers online. I know I'm not alone in feeling like this, but that really doesn't make me feel any better about anything. I just wish I had a direction for my life to go in, like so many other people seem to have.

That's all I can muster up for now. I've just realized while writing that I'm starting to ramble so I'm cutting it all short here

If you relate to anything you've read, then all I can say is good luck to you. I'm probably not qualified to give you any good advice, seeing as I'm still trying to figure out the solution to the problem myself.